The Idol

The Idol

Growing up, i’ve only had one person whom I highly respect and value that of which is my grandfather. I first got the opportunity to meet him when I was 25, prior to meeting him I’ve heard great stories and his fortune telling abilities which is what captivated me the most. The day I met him, I remember his aura, his presence and his character it was totally different to what I’ve experienced. He’s old, traditional, but had a unique perspective and view on the world.

In Vietnamese traditional culture, grandfathers carries a sense of righteous that’s usually unspoken where the younger has to be more “respectful” and treat them with utmost “respect.” Which I totally understand, but also feel a little sided with. However, when I met my grandfather, that did not exist which threw me off quite well.

He spoke to me like a human being, not as a kid, not as an adult, just him speaking to me. The day I’ve met him, is the same as he is today, in other words, he was just himself and no other vail that covered his persona. This presence caught my attention beyond anyone I’ve met for a few reasons.

1. It is very difficult for a traditional grandfather to have such openness view on the world, especially in the modern world. But yet, here he is just being him, open to learn, adapting and adjusting. He acknowledges the tradition and everything within his knowledge, but still he carries his own philosophy that steers his own course.

2. He has his own beliefs, reasons, and explanations of the world. More common, certain viewpoints are shared and adapted among the masses. Sometimes it’s great for perspective, but other times, it is worth questioning where it came from and how it was formed. Anyhow, he had his own world view.

The Envy

For these reasons, I envied his confidence, his presence and his way of living. When I first met him, I was at the lowest point in my life. It was the peak depression and I was at the bottom of the barrel. I remember he kept on calling me smart for the smallest thing I did. Just being able to use the “search” function on google, reading and finding information was smart to him because for him, he did not know how to do those things.

In my view, doing those things were beyond normal, and I could do those in my sleep. However, for him it was a difficult task and only those who were smart were able to do that. This threw my view of smart because in my traditional view, smart had to be something like solving the epidemic of cancer, HIV, or some world wide problems. But, in his view, just something as simple as being able to search and read as smart.

“If a person knows 1 more word than me, he is smarter than me.” Is what he told me, and I laughed because I found it to be anything but the truth. In my view, it had to be something like a prodigy or knowing 10 languages etc… So his wittiness and perspective on the world totally changed my viewpoint.

As unfortunate as it is, everything has its bright and dark side, and this was his bright side. Which is why, idolizing and having a role model makes me feel sided once i found out about his dark sides.

The Truth

As time went on my grandfather was the only one whom I highly valued and drew inspiration from. Later in life, I got to spend more time with him and this is when his dark side began to bleed into my reality. He has a gambling addiction and if not cautious it bleeds into everyone around him. I knew this side and held my distance because I know we all have hardships, challenges to overcome. This was his challenge, and I dont quite understand the depth of his action, but I dont have to understand it, it is his life. All I need to know is that he treats me the same every time we talk, he still is the person whom inspired me and taught me a lot in life.

The End

In the end, to have someone to idolize is like looking at the moon when it shines. When it is gone, I have no idea what is happening in the shadows or what is going on. In such, there is and always will be 2 sides to everything that exist in the world. As Hermes Trismegistus said, “As above, as below.” The yin and the yang, heavy have to exist for light to exist, so is cold and hot, light and heavy. In every aspect to life, there will always be two sides, in such, human beings has two ends. One positive, one negative, depending on which side is most prominent it is and will be that one to navigate.

I’ve come to realize the only one to idol is the best version of my self, and not someone who I have no idea about. That’s not to say that there are plenty who are respectable for their admirable work. By the end of the day, it is my action that will be the result of my life, thus, having the utmost respect and care for myself will be the direct result of the accumulation of all my actions.

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The one in the light, the one that’s liked, the truth
The one in the shadow, the one that’s disliked, the lies

They both makes us human, to find out how we dance between those 2 lines is what makes us, real and different from one another.

Be kind my friends, until next time.