Root of Doubt - To Waiver In Option

It’s Valentine’s Day, and we find ourselves in a flower store, and right in front of us is an entire library of flowers, roses, combinations of boquets, an entire rainbow to compose for our loved ones. In such moments, we find ourselves filled with uncertainty, not quite sure what to pick nor where to start.

Sometimes in life, it can feel like being stuck in a flower shop. Over the past few weeks I’ve found my self certainly walking around in circles. Not entirely sure what flowers to choose, nor which direction to go. The moment I believe to find the courage of which flowers to choose, I look back up only to be showered in options and quickly fall down to where I started.

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Philosopher Søren Kierkegaard (1813-1855), often considered the father of existentialism, saw self-doubt as an inevitable part of the human experience, especially in matters of faith and identity. He argued that true belief and commitment arise not from certainty but from embracing doubt and making a "leap of faith." For Kierkegaard, self-doubt was a precursor to deeper self-understanding and spiritual growth.

Finding my self being stuck and bedridden with self-doubt, not sure what to talk about, not sure what to write about. I was showered with endless options and decisions. At this point, it almost felt like analysis paralysis, too many options ended up numbing my sense of directions. In a way it felt like a boat in the midst of the sea, without having a compass to steer the ship, it’ll be stuck in the ocean.

In essence, Kierkegaard viewed self-doubt as an invitation into the depth of oneself, the courage to trust the compass of the boat.

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I’ve come to realize, self-doubt begins to take place when the options overpowers the decision. For instance, the endless possibilities of topics to be discussed felt larger than the decision. Resulting in uncertainty whether what to talk about because the decision power were weaker.

As a result, resolving this issue had to be made through a decision of topic, then the decision to talk about it were neutralized. Approaching it the other way around were simply too difficult to decide. Going back to the flower shop metaphor, instead of going blindly into a flower shop while deciding what to choose at that time. It becomes infinitely difficult to choose due to the vast amount of choices; whereas, knowing what kind of topic to be chosen then head into a flower shop would yield a greater experience.

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Applying this mindset into life and moving forward assists with decision making greatly. Suppose my everyday life were all spontaneous and had no structure. Life would seem rather wild, it would feel sporadic and impulsive. Opposed to, having an idea of what to do, then steer my day around those main points would yield an even amount of spontaneity.

I’d imagine a sunflower that’s facing the sun, everyday the sun ought to rise, and it could yield the anticipation for its arrival. So it goes to sleep, knowing the sun ought the rise the next day, but then some days it’s rather cloudy so the sun sin hidden. On these days, the sun flower has to adapt and change its normal course of actions.

Similarly, everyday has its routine and sets of priorities to be done. However, being adaptable and willing to bend according to the conditions, yields a greater flexibility and ease of mind. For instance, everyday I am determined to go to the gym, but there are those days where the body just does not seem to corporate and feel heavier than usual. Instead of working out at the usual 100% capacity, perhaps those days could be easier and do some light cardio workout instead.

This mindset provides the mind with room to bend and play, instead of being rigorous and finely boxed. In other words, be easy on ourselves.

Until next time, take care!