The Weight of Grief

After having spent 13 years with a person, it feels like as if, we both grew in the same pot, and when we departed, one of the plant was uprooted leaving holes and pathways that is now empty.

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The Pathways

Eventually overtime the holes will be filled with water and the dirt will fall into place, and the tiny pathways will always leave tiny pathways that reflects the "history" of the soil. So in a way it'll never be fully "healed" it will just build upon those pathways and continue forward.

This reminds me of the rings of a tree, through hard times, stormy weather and rough conditions, the rings wont be perfectly round. Rather, it will leave marks and rigged lines due to the rough conditions. By the end of the day, it still stands tall regardless of what it's been through.

Nature's Wisdom

Even though the pain or the grieving isn't physical, it can be felt deeply and does reflect into the physical world. I find my self longing for someone quite often and fall for people too easily. Even though I have no idea who they are or have the slightest insight of the person. Yet, I find myself stumbling over and over again. Perhaps its an attempt to fill those pathways that's empty with something.

Over time, i'm starting to realise how dire this could be, suppose I attempted to fill the holes with a incompatible partner. Another plant that actually drains all the water supposed to be working together. A weed for instance, that will feed upon the soil and drain everything around it disregarding whos soil or whos in it.

As such, I'm learning to take a few steps back to carefully select who may or may not potentially become a part of my pot.

Only Time Will Heal

Having to trust the universe is quite daunting, knowing that there's holes in the pot, knowing that the holes needs to be filled in order to progress further in life. Yet, all I can do is patiently wait until the soil falls upon it self, and let the water patch the soil together.

In other words, the feeling of grief will eventually fade. But, like anything that lies in the depth, it must go through all the stages of rise before it can lift off. As much as sad and sorrow sucks, the days feels dark and gloomy. But, again, trust the universe and know that after every storm comes the rainbow.

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Until next time, be kind to your self.
May peace and grace fall upon your paths <3