Rebirth

It's now been a year since my divorce, and im slowly discovering who I am agian.

The Catepillar

I met my previous partner at the age of 20, it was my first year of college and that's when it all began. Over the span of 13 years, we grew together and did everything together. We pretty much became one, and in this process, now that I can look back into it. The "real" me wasn't fully developed before meeting her. So all my understanding of the world, filters, and the idea of who I am were lost in the sauce.

The journey gracefully ended in 2025, it felt like we both grew from catepillar and transformed into butterflies. Everything that i've learned, understood and operated on has been through the lense as a catepillar. But, after the separation, I became a butterfly and now I have to learn how to operate from a whole new standpoint.

The Butterfly

Learning how to fly and navigate life through a new lens were difficult at first. It felt like my old system was still in tact, but it didnt work because it worked when I had my partner. Now that shes not here anymore, there's something that doesnt quite work right. Almost as if, I was riding a bike with 2 wheels, now it's only 1. I can't lean forward like I used to do or make turns like I used to.

The way I interacted with other was from an old operating system, and how I processed thoughts, ideas and took actions were from the previous system. So I slowly learned how to use my new wings, eat, sleep, routines, habbits, everything had to change. What I used to do no longer works.

This was one of the darkest period of my life, nothing made sense, emotions were haywire, I looked at every person as a potential. But, at the same time I knew I couldn't settle anywhere because I didn't have the capability to do so. I barely could fly with my new wings, and to bring in a new person to fly with is absurd. So I had to hold myself down, learn how to use my wings, new nerves, new pathways, little by little.

Reborn

Like any storm, it will pass, and the light will shine. It took me 1 year to fully recover from the divorce, find myself and live everyday freely.

The liberation that comes with talking through no filter, operating through no filter and just being with no filter. There's no second guessing what to say or what to do, everything is just instincts and intuition. Like a wolf doesn thave to read a manual on how to hunt, nor does a bird need training on how to fly. All that information is already written in their DNA, and so is the way we operate.

A lot of times I feel like I've gone against my nature which is why it's so difficult to feel free. I'm resisting myself and whats true. Like a bird who has wings is supposed to fly, but instead, it decides that it is going to run around to find food. Naturally, it knows exactly what to do and how to do it. But, because it's been told to do bla bla bla, it does bla bla bla.

Anyhow, life moves on through new horizons. Cheers my loves, be kind to yourself and take care of yourself.