Light of Darkness

For the first time, I’ve come to realize how the feeling of happiness and content feels. Most of my life has been living in the shadow of mediocrity, and it wasn’t until I was able to turn the tide by persistence and will.

Looking back into my past, it feels almost cruel how much time was spent in the blue. If something is done enough times, it becomes normalized and the default mode of operation. Most of my time, I spent in playing video games as a way of escape, but at the time being I didn’t quite understand why I did it and the reason behind it. Now that I’m able to reflect upon those times, I can clearly see video games was my medium of coping with life.

The feeling of not being in control of my life, but in a video game i had clear control over my character and its progression. The amount time and effort spent in the game had a direct correlation to its rewards and progression. Whereas, in real life it was the opposite, my effort and actions seemed to be out of my control, so I thought.

Through growth and time, I’m able to reflect on those moments and realize, in those times, it felt out of control because I didn’t have the appropriate skills to deal with the situations. Now the question becomes, would I change anything if I could? Honestly, I dont think I would, mainly because I know at this moment I wish I’d change certain situations in the past. But, truly, all actions and events has its reasons. If i were able to deal with the situations back then, I’d be in a different place and situation.

I’d like to look at it in this perspective, let’s say in the past I were not able to swim, but in the present time I do. If I’d ask my self, would I wish I knew how to swim back then, has 2 different outcomes.

1. If I knew how to swim, I’d probably explore and go use that ability to reach different areas. Upon doing so, there could be potential danger that awaits in which I have no idea how to deal with and in consequence it could become lethal.

2. Not knowing how to swim, allowed time for the proper physical, mental, and spiritual aspects to develop in order to explore later on in time.

3. These choices are obsolete and does not affect anything at all, besides changing how I feel about how I view myself.

With such choices, why not choose the one that provides uplift rather than a downfall is essentially the message.

There are many things I’d wish to change in the past, but at the same time as cruel as it might sound, if Nagasaki and Hiroshima did not happen, Japan would not have been what it is today. It is in the downfall that provides the ability to rise, and in the rise for the fall.

In the same light, my darkest times provides an opportunity to be brighten, and once defeated, darkness may not be of consumption anymore. In such, it feels great to know that I managed to overcome my shadow and live in the light. To reflect back to the dark times with light in the present is nothing but appreciation.

If you’re reading this, know things takes time and patience, sometimes the darkness feels overwhelming and a never ending straw of hope. After every summer comes the fall of the winter, then the bloom of spring. Each seasons has a set amount of time it requires to develop into order to enter the next phase. In the same way, our lives has phases and seasons, there will be dark and bright times, through the darkness requires patience and resilience, and in the bright requires compassion and love.

“Dance in the rain,

Laugh away the pain

In the dark, hides the bright

Overcome it all, you’ll become the light.”

-T.A